Archive for January, 2013
That’s how long I have waited for that hug! And it quenched my expectation and far beyond. Hugging him travels miles from being a simple gesture…it feels right. Just thinking of the moment even makes me wanna cry, I swear!
His tiny chest pressed up against me, that lemony scent that feeds into my nostrils, the soft skin that cuddles his neck…i should get a medal for letting him go easily…
If u ever get to read this….you are one lucky tiny species…I’m aching for you!
“Say, baby… can I be Your slave? I’ve got to admit girl you’re the shit girl… and I’m digging you like a grave. Now, do they call you Daughter to the Spinning Pulsar… or maybe Queen of 10,000 moons? Sister to the Distant yet Rising Star? Is your name Yemaya? Oh, hell no. Its got to be Oshun. Oooh, is that a smile me put on your face, child… wide as a field of jasmine and clover? Talk that talk, honey. Walk that walk, money. High on legs that’ll spite Jehovah. Shit. Who am I? It’s not important. But me they call me brother to the night. And right now… I’m the blues in yourleft thigh… trying to become the funk in your right. Who am I? I’ll be whoever you say? But right now I’m the sight-raped hunter… blindly pursuing you as my prey. And I just want to give you injections… of sublime erections… and get you to dance to my rhythm… make you dream archetypes… of black angels in flight… upon wings of distorted, contorted… metaphoric jizm. Come on slim. Fuck your man. I ain’t worried about him. It’s you who I want to step to my scene. ’cause rather the deal with the fallacy… of this dry-ass reality… I’d rather dance and romance your sweet ass in a wet dream. Who am I? Well, they call me Brother to the night. And right now I’m the blues in your left thigh… trying to become the funk in your right. Is that all right?”
The first christmas away from home and this wont be an easy one. I am already feeling so low with the crumbling of things before my eyes and losing a grip in everything that once seemed permanent.
I am not a person who gets psyched about any holiday a week before and prepare for the eve at the same time! Infact Holidays crash my mood a lot of times but since the past few years I have learned to tolerate these days because of the people that came with it. My friend’s and my “boyfrirnd’s” birthdays are on christmas! So I get excited about the presents if not the day itself. My friend, Selam, is definately gonna have a bad birthday for she.doesnt like her birthday and it was us (my friend nardi &I) that made her day worthwhile. And I being the craziest of my friends, I am expected to make her happy and I almost always do!i aint bragging for real!
And with my relationship with my man going down in an unpredictable road, being with him would have helped because birthdays in most cases bring the happy in people under normal circumstances. And this christmas would have brought the jolly in the stale dynamics of our relationship.but even when I write those lines my heart is telling me to know better and stop wishing for him to care like he once did….but he won’t aydel?
I have tried to switch off my cell phone but I don’t want to sound like I hate happiness when it doesnt include me…happiness is real only when its shared…so I am stuck here picking up phone calls from elated people, reciprocating a fake smile for no one can see how fake it is!
My wish for the coming few days is to tolerate christmas& I am praying the two people I love end up with a smile on their faces and my abscence doesn’t end up making them sad.
So anyone out there feeling like I do, can send me a hug…at least!
Merry christmas lonely people!
Its sad to think that this might be it for us. I am on z last brink of hope that us is really meant to last. I dont know why you cant see what I see and I dont get what I am missing that everyone of ur friends can see! One day hopefully soon, im gonna get my heart to listen to my head which is telling me that you don’t love me anymore! It breaks my heart each time your lips part and you utter selfish and insensitive words. I am afraid of what I see when I see you these days…its hard to admit it but you have grown out of love with me!
I can’t think of you and not cry…
You were the home I felt welcomed to but not anymore. I have seen and heard you talk to me…it sounds like you figured I ain’t worth fighting for.
You have broken all the strings, all the bones that made us a we! It’s a wonder why you are still here considering what you think of me! I should just give up like you and leave instead of hearing you say “I used to love you”.
Chills run through me just thinking of what this means….life seems smaller and bleak! So this is my last of lost hopes…to forgive me for leaving you.
Today the first bout of depression kicked in! I was hoping to pass it without acknowledging it but life never spares of you a heartache. You might miss what seems to be a a chance to be happy but ….sadness never ceases to manifest! I dont know what event incited this but it was bound to happen and I just want to be alone embracing the reality that aches my heart&kills me with each breath I take….alone for no one wants to save me!