Archive for the ‘Missing you like crazy’ Category

Perhaps this isn’t final,

Perhaps he would choose me,

Perhaps he feels the same,

Perhaps he won’t let go,

Perhaps he would make me stay,

Perhaps he is sleepless,

Perhaps he calls out my name,

Perhaps he is better off,

Perhaps I held him back,

Perhaps He is happy,

Perhaps I’m scared to know,

Our perhaps is all that’s left to show.

Parallel universe

Posted: January 23, 2017 in Missing you like crazy
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There is this sad reality in time differences. That I sleep when you wake up. That I dream when you are living. That I cry when you’re snoozing. That I laughed when you didn’t hear me.

There is the unsigned agreement of yet being apart, of being equally unknown to each other as we aspire to exist in today that we are yet in each other’s yesterday. The regurgitations of our time zones is the expansion of you and I in tomorrow and yesterday and live still in our own today. 

Maybe this is the parallel universe we talked about…

You are a national anthem,

The realms I can’t fathom,

The legends I hear-

Of kingdoms you ruled,

Of hearts you won,

Of homes you built,

That led to my hovel,

Trodden from the passers by,

That never learned to stay,

Fearful of those who remain,

Fighting off their unmarked scars,

Holding on to strong pillars,

Content within my shell,

Unwavering to everyone,

Everyone

Except You

My prince charming on a boat,

My angel with superman’s cloak,

My Clyde to the rebel in me,

My reason when words fail me,

My fight so I never lose hope,

My trophy from heavens,

For the deeds weighed embellished,

If they take you away from me,

If you don’t fight to stay,

Let it be known,

I died that day.

I say if you had missed me as much as I do, that you would die. But that’s me being kind. Missing you hurts as bad as the worst pain you could imagine. It is like taking the last gasps of air, hungry for air, only to realize that it too hurts. Breathing hurts but that must happen each second, just to survive. Death is merciful…this is self destruction with a beautiful melody called life without you.

No you don’t comprehend the intense flame that torches these feelings…for I have yet not understood it too.

No, you won’t EVER miss me as much as I do. No!! Just be a kind and remain worthy of it💔

These conversations take time,

These people are others,

They are not you.

The lunch with a friend,

The coffee with a mate,

The laughter in a bar,

They are not you,

And you are far.

Though I hold you close,

Distance keeps us apart,

Roads… lakes… time,

These keep us apart,

I can’t change those,

But I can choose,

My home,

My niche,

My galaxy,

And you to be my true north.

Don’t tell me to go out more,

To befriend others,

To fill my thoughts,

These are all nuisances,

I don’t need distractions!

Leave me alone,

There…there is home.

Dear me,
Yeah it’s new year’s Eve, again! People are gonna wish you a happy birthday; bless their soul for their kindness. You are not a holiday person and you have accepted that. Last year was difficult because you moved to the city and you didn’t have your person around. But this year you thought it would be different. Well it is different for sure!

You have to realize to accept what you have. The people that brighten your day are still alive and breathing. And after all the bickering about why they fail to show you that they care, you don’t mind if they never do. They probably won’t. But you want them to breath in the same time and universe as you do. You want them alive and well.

I tell you no one is gonna care about your people like you do. But the hardest part is wishing if they cared about you the same. You have to believe within your heart of hearts that even though you would have done or said things differently in their position, that this is what they can afford. They are not you. You have a very huge heart that can possibly love the world if it wanted to but deep down you have to let go of the notion that you will get back that love in the same way you pour it out. Letting go of that notion of love is at the end of the day love.

Expectations are your worst enemy. Life was easier when you didn’t expect anything from anyone. People will disappoint you even if they are closer to your whole being but not because they mean to but because that’s what life entails at times. If you are not hurt, well someone else will be. You don’t want to cause anyone pain, right? But that doesn’t mean you should suck all the guilt but know when to stop  to need when they are too busy to even catch a breath. Not for theirs but for your sake.

Remember all the nights you couldn’t sleep because you are too worried to even sleep? The anguish you feel when you feel like you are alone in this…but you did pass those nights. And I’m not going to promise it is gonna be different. Because it is life. But you have to love yourself selfishly and let GOD take the handle. You must stop fixing what doesn’t need fixing. Everyone is fine!! I know you think they aren’t. But everybody is fine!! If they weren’t believe me they would change it. They are moving on with their life, with their own choices. Everyone is selfish at the end of the day. If you can’t love yourself selfishly, you won’t know when a good thing happens to you. You want a different life for the people who matter to you because you think your choices will make them happy. But have you wondered maybe that they are happy?

You are a very tiny grain of sand in this whole equation of life and its contents. You matter if you weren’t around that’s why we need to keep you sane.

Just believe everyone is going to be fine. Everyone has the freedom to choose and so they did. Their choices are not a reflection of your worth…your worth was never in their hands. People will disappoint you. And learn to let go…

Words clog up in my throat,
I can’t find those that I sought.
This is no ordinary night,
For I feel the depth and might,
Of my emotions I tried to hide.
“I miss you” is redundant,
“I need you” is a cliche.
The ache of finding words,
That echo my lost chords,
Is making me sleepless,
Unfamiliar and out of place.
I beg you to read me through,
Hear the unsaid pulsations,
Of a heart bound by restrictions,
Afraid of causing dreaded repercussions.
Damn you all who so lightly,
Dared to say you “missed”,
I bet none ever knew the dread,
The fear of losing your place,
In a heart trodden with regrets.