Absence does grow the heart fonder…
I don’t love this pain anymore…this missing you, not having to listen to your voice…no more pleasurable.
There is no end to it anymore. I don’t have a hope that this time that you might come back and if you do I don’t think you might see me as you used to. How do I know? Because I am famous for making my worst wishes come true. Apparently the universe listens to me when I got all the bad thoughts in my head. So this time I am scared I might prove myself right… And you might never come back.
I have always wanted you…you were the one I talked “me” about. You are the one I have always missed in my life. I would have lived missing you but GOD at some point thought I deserved to know you but to keep you was not an option. Still I want to not believe that you might not come back. I wish I had the power to make you stay in my life. It’s worse enough to know that I can’t have you as I want to; get to know your heart or build a home in it. I just wished I could live a life knowing you.
The problem with this world is that it isn’t made for happy endings for otherwise it would have been called heaven. Nobody ever gets what they want or at least get to keep it. We all are wondering around trying to get that something that just feels right. And GOD is out there showing us the direction to the “right” thing but we might falter and end up somewhere we think is right. So again after grazing the grass at the “right” mown we just feel like ‘it isn’t enough’ and GOD is probably saying ‘I know!’. So we are all wondering always and never would we ever be satisfied until we are enough for ourselves, be content by ourselves. It is hard to admit that I am not enough for me because I feel like I betrayed myself, allowed myself to live less.
I know that when I don’t get what I want in life that GOD has better plans and I usually stay put with that faith. But not when it comes to you. I want to know why you had to come to my life and leave as you please when I was just trying to accept what I had. You showed me this world I once believed I can be part of but time has robbed me of dreaming being part of. I was just trying to accept that life can’t have hill top views. I don’t know why GOD strode you in my path just to let me wonder now of why! I thought I had enough of staring at the phone for some one to call…a call to make me happy all over again. Why???
You ruined me; for now I can’t picture myself any where in the world…no Croatia, no Paris, no wonderland…
Somehow GOD has better plans but I don’t think it will get better than this.