Sometimes I feel like I’m walking on eggshells with myself. I don’t know which smell of the air or color of the sky is going go stir up my emotions. It is not easy to know how low those muffled emotions can bring you down; for now you know how bad it hurts. The constant unheard cries for help on the cold floor, the unanswered whys…I don’t want to go back to the state where all I could pray for was the morning sunshine to assure me that yesterday had passed. I want to be in peace with yesterday and still feel content that today without you is tolerable. You won’t get it…the heartache of wanting what you can’t have, for I am the person you can have but don’t want to have.
I feel like a diabetic newly diagnosed who had sugar with her coffee in the morning only to be told few hours later that she is not to use sugar again. It is sudden and life altering. She might have suspected that she too will be diabetic like her mother or sister; so this day might be “expected” but it still doesn’t make it easy. It isn’t that the sugar is bad but it is just bad for her. She can still be reckless and continue to take all forms of sugar but she will suffer the consequences, worse being death. So the question is, do you wanna live longer without this sort of sugar or die earlier? But the trick is, there might be healthier sugars that won’t taste as sweet but through time your senses will adapt to these changes and “accept” this too is sugar. Deep down you will know it isn’t the real thing but you will take it, because that’s what growing up and letting go means:'(