Here, Superman stays.

Posted: February 2, 2018 in #words, Missing you like crazy
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I write because you broke my heart.

I write because you took away my words.

I write because the pain reminds me to stay away.

I write because it always leads me to you;

I write because in these words, we are everything we couldn’t be.

I write for there is no better place or realm for us than here.

I write because I can freely admit I love you, still. 

I write because we make sense in the melancholy of words. 

And I am home. You. Me. Words.

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I had stopped reading EE Cummings poetry for it reminds me of you. I carry your heart , I carry it in my heart. These are words I’m trying to unlearn so it doesn’t break me every time I watch the movie “ In her shoes” and every time I run into hopeful and gullible lovers rejoicing in love and prosperity of it all. But what gets to me every time is that I see your face in your blue jeans, black shoes and that T-shirt from Macy’s with WWJD bracelet and a smile that engulfs my oxygen. I see that face! Here is the root of the root and the bud of a bud in a tree called life…this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart….I carry your heart….you can’t carry mine. It has too big of a love to handle, wouldn’t you say? 

You are the boy who made all the other boys nothings. You are the man that I silently look for approvals in empty streets full of people that don’t know me. You are my excuse for the weight gain bordering obesity. You are the ‘what if’ that I want to silence but even the days smell of you and colors blend to make your face in smokes of cigarettes. Your crooked veins are what I look for in a man for yours were the roots that anchored my raison d’être. It’s heartbreaking to know that I have to say the only man I love shall be triumphantly “over with” or “ let go” as if life after that begins when truly it ends. So memories is what I crave for hoping one day in another parallel universe you still smell like forever🐼

It is that time of the year now! You had left for a better life with a better future. I had hoped I would miss the date as if I was in a trans state but I guess my heart has its own tunes to remember the hurt, that left it irreversibly melt to nothing. I woke up in the middle of the night with a familiar palpitation as if I’m remembered elsewhere. I don’t know why it matters to people like me that are left alone by others to know that they mattered; that they induce palpitations in others too. But sadly it does. I still worry about your days and I won’t lie I envy the stake that you eat nowadays and wonder if you’ve turned vegetarian. I use your words to describe my appetite and people look at me bewildered by my vocabulary and I realize those were our words. But words cheat you for no one lives up to them. To have conquered them would have meant you would still be here. 

Decay in Time 

Posted: October 21, 2017 in Heartache

When I told him to leave the keys and never come back, I thought of you. And how it was possible to not be together, how it was easy to let go of my hands, how I told you to be better without me and you really are better without me. And how that makes me unworthy of staying for. You were right for leaving and never looking back. Maybe everybody else should too. 

I just read somewhere that rain is good for the soul. That winter is cold for a reason. That those who stay  when you have nothing familiar but a sweat drenched T-shirt to keep you warm are the ones who stayed. And as for you, you are the one that ran away with the first sign of a snow. I hope your bed is warm. I hope you can still sleep with yourself. Because I can’t and I am the One who stayed💔💔

Just Words…

Posted: September 12, 2017 in Heartache

…You have been my missing link, you are my happiness and you will be my salvation. I pray that I hold your hands as an old man, look back on those moments and plan a few more .. You hate your Birthday Angel but it is the day my timeline made more sense and my world made happier…
As I recite your words that I believed more than my own voice that kept telling me you won’t stay, I ache in the unfamiliriaty of who I gave up “my oxygen” to. Where are you now?