Archive for June, 2013

Daily prompt: We can be thought

Posted: June 29, 2013 in Uncategorized
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It is funny how considering the very challenging year i had that i had to sit to ponder to write this. i guess i have never been the kind to learn fast. But just yesterday while working in the Emergency department a body of a 24 years old was brought for a postmortem exam. one of the nurses doing the postmortem care was crying because she knew the man. Everyone in the room was sad for he was a youngster and its always sad to see someone your age die rather than someone who has lived his grandchild.

Later i heard the circumstances of his death from a close friend of mine who knew the deceased as a client of his. The deceased , can we call him 7? so 7 had a car accident when a friend of his crashed him accidentally from the back with the excavator he was riding. initially everyone thought it was a minor injury and didn’t consider he would die for there was no external bleeding. And by the time they have decided to bring the him to the emergency room he had already passed away. The sad thing for me was the fact that the driver of the engine was his close friend who invited 7 for lunch and he ended up killing him. 

I tried to imagine what the driver must be going through but i couldn’t even try. All i could do was say a little prayer for him. i still get the shivers when i think of it an believe me its moments like this that i question my faith but it is also moments like this that i confide in GOD to give me wisdom to not question his intentions. 

We all walk around this earth with requirements to fulfill never realizing that we don’t have so much control over this world or the circumstances we encounter. I wish we didn’t have to see so any horrors in this life to understand our petty existence. so the next i get angry for trivial things like the lights being out, the sucky lunch our servant makes, the 400 bucks i lost…i hope i let go easily because this IS NOT worse! And believe me it can get worse….

Waiting….

Posted: June 4, 2013 in Uncategorized

Its 11pm saturday night….im.sitting in my somewhat.cozy bed of mine with a back ache that seems to cut my body in half listening to Theodros Tadese….
I am feeling blue and trying to fix that i have been dialing people i hv lost contact with in recent times but none of their phones seem to be working. And last week my Psychiatry lecturer had called me after a long time and i am now wondering if he had felt what I am feeling now; alone with thoughts to escape from. But imagining that he would hide from his thoughts is like thinking charlie wonka skipping work at z chocolate factory because he needed a vacation.
So today I had a tiny revelation that i am turning 26 in three months time& I had a mini panic attack. This is just sad! I am getting nearer to 30 than have ever imagined to myself be. And this is not how I wanted to embrace getting old. I needed something to define my 26 years on this planet than z past 7yrs in medicine. I needed to not be a doctor. I admit being married and having kids seemed a fairly good escape plan for more than a nanosec but it just seemed un”me”.
I have spent the greater part of my life expecting life to happen to me and even saying that I don know how to not wait for life to happen. Look at me! I’m waiting for my boyfriend to break up with me; I’m waiting for him to grow up&be a Man;i am waiting for my guy friend to define our complicated relationship; i am waiting to decide to join residency in medicine or not; waiting for a sign from GOD to decide all of this.
I remember a quote from an author I dont remember ”…we never live but always in the expectation of living…” What gave me a panic isn’t my turning 26 but what do i hv to show for it???
I wish I could end this piece of writing with a resolution that read,
”I will repair my strained relationship with my dad…i will break my relationship with my 2yrs boyfriend for the excuse of not wanting kids…travel the whole of ethiopia with my yet-to-be-defined guy friend &settle my feelings once and for all…take USMLE and be sad for life…”
Boy does that Sound planned to you???!!!
But all of the above thoughts will remain simply writings on a paper unless the Almighty intervenes & pulls the rug under me…I need some shaking &we all know we need some good hard ground to stand on when we are wishing for the wave of the quake to hit us. I just pray this time around i get around to living than waiting because its getting old to fear change.

Undecided

Posted: June 2, 2013 in Uncategorized

Its 11pm saturday night….im.sitting in my somewhat.cozy bed of mine with a back ache that seems to cut my body in half listening to Theodros Tadese….
I am feeling blue and trying to fix that i have been dialing people i hv lost contact with in recent times but none of their phones seem to be working. And last week my Psychiatry lecturer had called me after a long time and i am now wondering if he had felt what I am feeling now; alone with thoughts to escape from. But imagining that he would hide from his thoughts is like thinking charlie wonka skipping work at z chocolate factory because he needed a vacation.
So today I had a tiny revelation that i am turning 26 in three months time& I had a mini panic attack. This is just sad! I am getting nearer to 30 than have ever imagined to myself be. And this is not how I wanted to embrace getting old. I needed something to define my 26 years on this planet than z past 7yrs in medicine. I needed to not be a doctor. I admit being married and having kids seemed a fairly good escape plan for more than a nanosec but it just seemed un”me”.
I have spent the greater part of my life expecting life to happen to me and even saying that I don know how to not wait for life to happen. Look at me! I’m waiting for my boyfriend to break up with me; I’m waiting for him to grow up&be a Man; i am waiting to decide to join residency in medicine or not; waiting for a sign from GOD to decide all of this.
I remember a quote from an author I dont remember ”…we never live but always in the expectation of living…” What gave me a panic isn’t my turning 26 but what do i hv to show for it???
I wish I could end this piece of writing with a resolution that read,
”I will repair my strained relationship with my dad…i will mend my relationship with my 2yrs boyfriend…travel the whole of Ethiopia,…take USMLE and be sad for life…”
Boy does that Sound planned to you???!!!
But all of the above thoughts will remain simply writings on a paper unless the Almighty intervenes & pulls the rug under me…I need some shaking &we all know we need some good hard ground to stand on when we are wishing for the wave of the quake to hit us. I just pray this time around i get around to living than waiting because its getting old to fear change.