Growing up is a paradox. It is a process filled with days in which you wish you were the innocent four year old for your parents and some days of late nights at the club.
Growing up sucks!!
I remember the time I felt the most in need of changing, as if age brought with it a gush of serenity. I was in the third grade and I can’t conjure as to why I was in need of growing up but I imagine it has got something to do with my friend’s sister. She was beautiful, tall and a seventh grader! She had that aura and ohhhh that smile…even now I see her hair flowing in the wind when in reality she had a not-so-wavy hair.
I assumed with age that people grew wiser, more fun and independent. I remember when I got to the seventh grade, I was still short and far from being girly. I was awkward looking with the ugliest looking uniform (besides the deep blue color) and the only thing going on for me was drama class. Acting was my portal to be that girl I couldn’t be. I almost always took the part for the ‘girl gone bad’ or ‘spoiled school girl’ and I know I rocked that year.
I miss the gullibility that recedes as we age; that hunger in possibility of anything. I miss believing that nothing stood between me and my dreams; except a few more years. I miss the confidence that I had when I got up after I fell flat on my face in the middle of preppy hot nine graders. I miss how Sherlock Holmes kept me up till midnight and how Anne of Green Gables stirred herself in my daydreams.
But would I go back in time to be that little girl with awkward gait to hide my looming boobs? Naaaah!!! I hate change but because more often than not I have swayed with the elements of change and found it hard to keep my feet on the ground. But that too has come with a better self-realization than who I was a year back. I admit it is hard and there are days I want to hide away from the world and erase my reality but life is a journey; no matter how cliche that sounds. It is the travel, the acceleration, the speed bump, the in betweens, the hedges and mud that paint a picture of where we where once and where we might be.
For now, I am excited to welcome new possibilities and still learning to keep the faith of the third grader who ruled the world.