Archive for December, 2016

Us against the world

Posted: December 31, 2016 in Heartache
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This is how I imagined us to be. You and I versus the world. You and I versus the social norm. You and I versus everyone else. 

This is how it is. I against the world. I only love to live you more while you decide to build the walls that kept us from becoming more with those same people that led us here. 

You are the defiance in my arrogance, the ‘no’ in my replies to succumbing to social suicide, the only exception to the rule that people always leave ….but you would stay right ?

But I sit here and think ….

How do you let them win? Were we not an exception to the cliche of norms ? Didn’t I love you enough for you to stay and fight? Do you hold her hand like you used to hold mine? Do your eyes shimmer in ecstasy like I used to know them ? Do you smile without me and still feel home? Do you not ache for a better world , for a better death that detaches you from either being you or nothing ! ? Hasn’t your heart stopped beating in realization that we are less than I ever believed forever to last ? How do you do it? 

You are the home I fought for even when I thought the future was bleak. You are the endless heartaches for a love unmet but I would do it all over again and maybe this time I will let you know to the core it’s me or nothing . 

But you’re smiling now ? Holding her hand , smelling her perfume , threading on her world like I never existed to look back…! How do you do that ..unlove me in the face of hopeless odds? I will always follow your beating heart that once sang John Mayer and believed in ‘I have to have to have you now’… There was something that closed before you ever let it open itself upto you…you decided we weren’t worth it and the world won didn’t it? Look at us now…I’m crying in my bed with a glass of Chardonay and you count down to the New Year with her hand in yours…? 

Me against the world.

Out of words

Posted: December 23, 2016 in Heartache
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He stole my words. He stole my words.

This would have been a eulogy for a girl who loved too much and lost everything that was ever significant. Her words. Her home in his heart. A love she thought was boundless.

He was the good morning in a sunshine. The bitter sweet taste of coffee. The hunger of a missed meal. He was the rhythm in her chest. The undeniable truth that she loved him.

But he didn’t just take away the will to wake up and smile for nothing. He took her words. And now people ask where it hurts and why her head is tilted to the side and why she is losing weight. She could have said she got her heart broken but it too didn’t do it justice like the other clichés of loss. This melancholy, the grief, the loss of self in another soul…it doesn’t have a name. It stole her words.

He stole her world when he took her words.