This was the moment . Only you and GOD. There was no one to tell you to stop crying, to calm your nerves down or to just be there to listen. You had no one in that hour of you standing in the corridors of some office you wish you could just fleet from.
It was never a fact that you needed someone…you didn’t need anyone. You wanted them to want to be there. You wanted them to fight for you like you always fought for them too. But you should have known better; all the fight you ever sought ended before it began and you weren’t even the trophy at the end of the tunnel. An accident at best but never a choice.
So everyday you learn that when people leave they really do leave and they always take something with them and you are never the same but they dare ask you why you have changed. But it’s these seamingly unimportant moments of complete breakdown that make you wrap yourself up in a bundle like you used to and be belittled for being too aloof or emotional. If only they knew they took a portion of your life you will never get back and that right now you waking up everyday questioning why is a battle they won’t ever understand.
The best thing to do right now is to close your eyes and stop asking why they always leave? Why the ones you love pretend to be there when they really aren’t ??? What is this about you that scares those you love away??
You left. No denying it was a choice. You can’t say I’m here and not be present when all she needs is you. Do you comprehend the loss she feels for the unmade phone calls and the words you never fathomed to say when you could of. You have never been bare naked emotionally to understand the inevitability of goodbyes with every moment she was made to feel like a second choice for people you don’t remember their names today. You left. You left and then you leave you always leave. Maybe I should let you be…