Posts Tagged ‘#freshlypressed’

I had stopped reading EE Cummings poetry for it reminds me of you. I carry your heart , I carry it in my heart. These are words I’m trying to unlearn so it doesn’t break me every time I watch the movie “ In her shoes” and every time I run into hopeful and gullible lovers rejoicing in love and prosperity of it all. But what gets to me every time is that I see your face in your blue jeans, black shoes and that T-shirt from Macy’s with WWJD bracelet and a smile that engulfs my oxygen. I see that face! Here is the root of the root and the bud of a bud in a tree called life…this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart….I carry your heart….you can’t carry mine. It has too big of a love to handle, wouldn’t you say? 

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You are the boy who made all the other boys nothings. You are the man that I silently look for approvals in empty streets full of people that don’t know me. You are my excuse for the weight gain bordering obesity. You are the ‘what if’ that I want to silence but even the days smell of you and colors blend to make your face in smokes of cigarettes. Your crooked veins are what I look for in a man for yours were the roots that anchored my raison d’être. It’s heartbreaking to know that I have to say the only man I love shall be triumphantly “over with” or “ let go” as if life after that begins when truly it ends. So memories is what I crave for hoping one day in another parallel universe you still smell like forever🐼

It is that time of the year now! You had left for a better life with a better future. I had hoped I would miss the date as if I was in a trans state but I guess my heart has its own tunes to remember the hurt, that left it irreversibly melt to nothing. I woke up in the middle of the night with a familiar palpitation as if I’m remembered elsewhere. I don’t know why it matters to people like me that are left alone by others to know that they mattered; that they induce palpitations in others too. But sadly it does. I still worry about your days and I won’t lie I envy the stake that you eat nowadays and wonder if you’ve turned vegetarian. I use your words to describe my appetite and people look at me bewildered by my vocabulary and I realize those were our words. But words cheat you for no one lives up to them. To have conquered them would have meant you would still be here. 

We were there once. 

Posted: August 8, 2017 in Heartache
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There is a story. On the arches and bows of your magnificent body. There lies my constellation of beautiful dreams with heartwarming endings. There lies a rock with our initials carved like a trademark. There is our innocence with formidable truth that transcended cliches. There I lie awake in the middle of the night to have conversations with your back. Words unspoken with only my eyes on your canvas of unmet promises speak to me. There used to be us. 

Now what?

Posted: July 20, 2017 in Heartache
Tags: ,

What’s missing ?

He wonders,

Nothing,

I lie,

Knowing,

No one,

Will ever

Ever… 

Be you!

The part of me,

A soft fragile tissue,

A flesh once entered,

Is dried, rugged and shrunken,

Wilting, unwavering to change,

Closing its edges anew,

Trying not to bleed,

Vowing to never fit,

Anyone’s but his.

You chased him away,
Is what they all say,
You loved him too much,
And he couldn’t stay.

You suffocated him,
You let him sink,
You loved him too much,
And he couldn’t breathe.

To her He was inadequate,
To what she saw was enough,
I gave him my all,
He couldn’t give me more.

They say you died when you met me,
I say we died when we couldn’t be,
What they never left us to be.

I am not ashamed,
For I love you as if its our last day,
I will hold you like you are made of clay,
I will drown you with all that I pray.

You are my raison d’être,
The shroud of my scars,
The resurrection of death,
I chose you before I met you,
My forever started yesterday.

She will have your forever,
The first light on your face,
The Sunday morning breakfast,
The last kiss of the day,
The newspaper with croissants,
The laughter of your kids,
The embrace of home,
The “what shall I bring for dinner”,
She will have eternity
For that’s where you chose to be.

And you will have me,
A cosmic purpose more grand
With you and I being less,
Somehow is being more,
I will believe in anything,
Than less of you alone.