They all have one thing in common. Your dad, your first boyfriend, your next actual first boyfriend, your soulmate…they all left you. Don’t make up excuses for them. There was a choice. There is always a choice. Your dad chose to spend his time and your childhood next to his bottle of whiskey with women that weren’t your mother. He chose them over family.
Every man that you ever loved or tried to save after him were all like him. Their needs came first. They sing of their triumphs as if you weren’t there holding them up when no one knew of their existence. Maybe it’s your problem that everyone leaves. Maybe you drown in people that already had made their decision to not choose you, to not be yours, to not be in your life till “time fades”. Maybe you seek those that will disappoint you knowing it too will end. You search for those with 5% to zero of likelihood to stay and wrap yourself in pity stories of how they left you.
It’s time you know. You chose them even when you knew they wouldn’t stay. Whatever pain you feel is your decision to inflict upon yourself. Maybe you like the pain of being in love that the only thing standing between forever and you is that man. His decisions. But you know he won’t ever choose you.
And for those you haven’t put a label on to describe as anything but who became your everything; you never gave them any labels so whatever hurt or pain they caused you, not their fault! There were no standards to measure their actions towards your feelings. You never upheld them to a label so they keep saying goodbye when the rope gets tough to hold on to.
Maybe one day he will surprise you. The unknown. Choose you over everything else. Wakes up just to be yours all over again. Love you like the only choice was just that. Just love you again and again and fight for you like no one ever did. He will thank all those that left you today for they can’t possibly comprehend what it means to be yours everyday, by choice. And maybe you won’t be so broken up and maybe you will learn to to accept the love that comes without restrictions. Learn to be chosen as the only one, no plan Bs!