Dear Dad,

Posted: June 19, 2014 in Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

I am sure you won’t ever read  this. I am sure we will never have a nice dinner or a day at the park to celebrate how ”awesome” of a dad you are to me. I am sure you are the greatest dad ever in all the social contexts applied to  our society. But I will never know that feeling of belongingness beyond a family name and my short stature to consolidate why you of all men are my dad.
You were always there for the big wins in my 26years as a daughter  I was there to witness your years tied up in bottles of whiskey and gin and the years thereafter as a man who lost all but his family. On those years in between, I have one picture of my birthday with your arms around me and my eyes red shot from crying because you came home drunk. I remember the time when you hit my brother with a belt, anger bolting out of your nostrils, because he had driven your car without a liscence. I remember that my mom stayed with you eventhough you have yelled at her more times than you told her thank you. My brother still calls you with your first name and I know that hurts you.
But despite all of these, I want to be your daughter and still want to have a story to tell after your long gone. I want to know how you were as a child, the relatuonship you had with your dad, where you met my mom, your saddest and weakest moments, why you used to drink, why you don’t tell us what the many meds on your nightstand are for and…
I doubt if you will ever realize that I want a dad who kills the guy who broke my heart or walk me down the aisle if I ever get over my ”Daddy” issues. I want to be part,of your life beyond the sperm that created me. I want to call you without feeling like its taking forever to hang up eventhough we haven’t even talked for  minute. I Miss what everyone seems to have eventhough you are alive and still can do it.
I love you without asking why. I just know you went to a lot of trouble to provide for a family of 7children and that when I graduated last year, I knew somwhere in the crowd my ”dad” was smiling with eyes filled with joyous tears.
I love you dad.

  1. kikokal says:

    this must have taken you to a place you didn’t want to go but yet you were there exploring!
    you are brave mearey!

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